like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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