If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
