Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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