so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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