I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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