Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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