pop tarts are not kleenex
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
