If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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