i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
