We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
no, he came in my armpit
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
