she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
