im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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