Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
