Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
