May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
