i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
