i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
