I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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