Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
