Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
