i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
