just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
