"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize