I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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