Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
