I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
