I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
