i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
