Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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