its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
