Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
