i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
