I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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