i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
