My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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