my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
