i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
