Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
