I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
