is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize