he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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