K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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