NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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