Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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