Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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