yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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