i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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