Yo dont text me then not text me
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I AM VODKA MAN
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
