I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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