there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize