U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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