after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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