I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
