You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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