mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
