So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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