Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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