people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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