Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
