So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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