Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
