At least make sure they are 18
Why
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
