How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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