Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
