if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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