I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
