i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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