THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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