tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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