the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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