3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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