If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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