I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
