I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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