; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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