they need to just BURY HIM!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
