i always forget guys have bellybuttons
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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