Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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