I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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