just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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