WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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