so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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