I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
