That's intense
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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