Welp...herpes.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
