We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
