how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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