Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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