No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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