This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
