we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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