I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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