I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
