Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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