I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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