I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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