Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
