I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
