she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
