Heybabeimwearingurpanties
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
party gras won. party gras always wins.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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