I just threw up on my dentist
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
