guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
BRING THE BAGELS
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
