Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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