"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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