in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
