Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
