Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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