I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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